Why did my bridesmaid just call me that?
A Bridezilla is what you might get labeled as when someone assumed you have turned into a to-be-wedded version of Godzilla.
It could be because you genuinely acted freakish, or that they don’t actually recognize what you are going through. It is easy to call someone names when you display uncharacteristic manners, but what they haven’t understood is WHY.
There is a lot more to it so please read on..
During your engagement, it is normal and to be expected that you will talk a lot about weddings and occasionally forget to talk with your friends about other things, such as how they are. It is not unusual to fret about planning worries such as what registry to choose, or whether to take your honeymoon to the Bahamas or Mauritius. It is normal, it is OK, so please demand that people cut you some slack – a wedding is a pretty huge thing, right?
Getting married is amazing, being a Bride is amazing and this precious joy and excitement should be treated with care and respect. It is a wonderful and thrilling time in your life, and you are entitled to immerse yourself in that sheer delight as much as you like.
Unfortunately Brides often don’t get taken seriously as the world around them is quick to assume that you’re a Bridezilla just by thinking out loud about color schemes, getting distracted by potential venues whilst driving or debating which videographer to hire with the postman.
At this level, it is unfair to blame someone of being a Monster, as it IS hard work and very consuming to make all those gazillions of decisions.
Ask them: Have you ever seen a wedding checklist before? If they haven’t, well then they don’t have the slightest idea.
Planning a wedding – even if you have hired a planner – is a heck of a job. Vendors, family members and anyone even remotely involved are tugging at you at the same time. I found that even shop assistants wanted to give advice when they saw my ring.
You have big decisions to make – even small ones eventually seem like they are life changing.
People are telling you what to do, how to do it, how you should think, act, look, so it is just too easy to feel overwhelmed and constantly on the verge of bursting.
As a woman, it upsets me when other women and Brides are being mocked. More than any other human (unless you are a soldier, brain surgeon or astronaut ), Brides are under immense pressure in a situation which is totally foreign. It is inevitable to become insecure, vulnerable to stress, and loose your marbles.
You are prone to physical fatigue, mental fatigue, decision fatigue, and multiple of levels of general confusion; as well as planning an event the size of a small festival, you are left to try to cope with your own pre-wedding anxiety.
Because being a Bride might well give you the kind of performance anxiety you have never felt before. So when some one calls you a hysterical mean creature – or tells you to “just chill out” – no wonder you want to scream and shout.
You are trying to make sure that it all comes together on the wedding day at the same time as you are trying to look like the best version of yourself – ever – you cannot be blamed of the occasional emotional outburst. Self doubt can do serious damage to ones planning efficiency and general mood.
After all, the tense tendencies are caused by stress and anxiety, which are not actually self-inflicted. A lot is expected of us (or so we think anyway) so it IS hard to stay positive and stay on top at all times. You will be juggling so many balls – and you will drop one occasionally. Your friends should be there to give you a hand, not criticize.
Therefore as you can imagine, it is extremely hurtful to be accused of being some kind of evil dragon. It would be as if someone called you a called a deranged cripple because you felt sick after a rollercoaster ride – NO ONE wants to hear that during the most exciting few months ever.
Brides deserve more sympathy, space and integrity than that, and not be labeled as overbearing freaks. But the easy thing to do for a person who has limited little ability to help and understand what you are going through, is to just say “stop being such a bridezilla” In that situation, I welcome you to give them the rude finger.
If you feel you have been called a Bridezilla unfairly, ask that person to leave you alone, and come back when they feel more understanding.
Don’t let non-supportive people affect you negatively – you have other things to focus on. If they can’t be nice to you now, they might not deserve your attention at all.
Stay confident and stay on track.
You rock, and you are allowed to feel strongly about your unique decor, flowers, outfits, colours and the big vision of your wedding day because you are paying a lot for it, so noone can tell you that you are not DA BOSS! (Oh- your groom is too, perhaps 😉 )
BUT – if you have found that the “bride thing” is the perfect excuse to behave like a total brat, it is time to start behaving better or you will soon deserve that horrifying godzilla critique.
If you are shouting at your surroundings, bad mouthing bridesmaids, bullying your groom because he wouldn’t agree on cake filling, sending abusive texts to vendors late at night, firing friends because they couldn’t help you bake 100 cookie favours – THAT is a guaranteed way get people talking behind your back, not taking you seriously anymore, and even worse: no one will want to come to your wedding as a result – maybe not even your groom.
These are people that will hopefully remain in your life for a long time – you are busy making enemies in a situation when what you actually need is friends. Hopefully they still want to hang around, but chances are that they won’t if you have called them idiots! Don’t chase them away, and don’t bring yourself into great embarrassment post-wedding day.
Acting like a Queen and like you are in the centre of the world is what you should do on your wedding day – but until then you are a normal person, so try to remain your cheerful, non-aggressive and respectful self as long as possible.
As a Bride, “Grace” is a word you’d much rather get described as than “Disgrace”.
If you feel like you can’t handle the stress and are on the way of updating your status that the wedding is off – this is what to do instead:
- Put the cell phone, laptop and your planning binder and to-do list away for a day, or however long it takes to not feel like you want to bang a fist into the wall.
- Delegate as much as you can so you don’t stretch the limits of what you can achieve. If you have allowance in the budget, it could be a godsend to hire a professional planner. If you don’t, ask a good friend for help. Or more simply, try to achieve less.
- Have a date-night once a week with your fiancé – no wedding talk allowed!
- Listen to what your family, friends, grooms family and others say to you (cos everyone is gonna be full of ideas and input) and at least pretend to take it on board. What you do with their opinions is up to you, but avoid arguing for the sake of making a point.
- When you meet with your friends, let them bring up the wedding as opposed to you. Try not to overwhelm them with smaller details, but ask them for their advice and practical support if you want it.
- Practice a self-care routine of exercising, daily walks, eating well, sleeping well and not subjecting yourself to too much alcohol and coffee. Occasional treats at the spa can work wonders for tense nerves, too.
- Get married how you want to, not as you think some wedding blog wants you to! This bash is 100% yours so keep it your own style – feel free to abandon those optional extras (favours, photobooth, even your wedding party) because no one will miss them, nor will you at the end of the day. It is impossible to keep up with every wedding trend and must-have decór piece, and why would you need to?
- Don’t forget to include the Groom in the decisions! He is also getting married. Give him 50% of the decision making.. oh sorry 25% then. OK – at least 15% 😉
- Don’t over-spend. Nothing keeps you up at night as heavy financial burdens. It is one day of your life – that is going to be so awesome no matter what dress you chose – save some cash for something tangible that will last, such as creating a beautiful home. Don’t begin your married life with a sense of buyers remorse.
- Crash-dieting means you will be prone to crankiness, fatigue and irritability. As you can hear, this is a recipe for total disaster.
- Take on board no more than 3 DIY projects.
- There is no such thing as “Perfect”. It is in the eye of the beholder. Lowering your expectations means your wishes are much easier to fulfill, and you will feel a whole lot more satisfied too.
- P e r s p e c t i v e.. is your mantra. You are not getting married to impress your colleagues, cousins or even your insta followers: your wedding is about committing to the love of your life, having a celebration and enjoying time with family and friends. And you will, and it will be perfect!
What you will treasure and remember the most is this –
(and these moment cannot be planned for or bought for all the money in the world)