You are engaged and just started a wonderful and exciting journey of preparing for the biggest party of your life. You naturally want some friends with you along the journey for support, encouragement – and some practical help too.
There are some important factors to consider in order to create the best Team Bride to help you get married and to share the fun with. After reading this you will have a clearer picture of the wisest ways of proposing to your future bridesmaids!
Don’t: ask friends right away
Before asking the “question”, it is fine to have a month or so after the engagement, allowing the high to settle to avoid letting the rush of emotions influence you to make a premature decision.
Use the first month to figure out the interest your close friends want to take in your wedding on and what role they play in your life. Mull over the options before making your final decision. Of course they are eager to find out as soon as possible, but ask them to be patient!
Do: choose only those that are 100 % fond of your fiance
It is crucial that your bridesmaids are fully supportive of your engagement and approve of your fiance. Total optimism and encouragement is key!
Don’t: immediately assume that your best friend can be your maid of honor.
It may feel obvious that your best friend must be your Maid of honor. But she might not be up for the job, or she might have to prioritize something different this year.
Aside from another close friends, good candidates could be your sister, your grooms sister or other close female relative you have always been able to rely on.
Don’t: put too high expectations on your Maid of honor
Being a maid of honor is a great honor but it also comes with a tremendous amount of responsibilities and work. It is traditional that she gives a speech during reception, and she would normally be assigned to be coordinator of bridesmaids, help out with planning tasks as well as many other responsibilities.
Ensure that she would be comfortable to manage these significant tasks before assigning her to the role. Is she comfortable to do a speech? Is she emotionally and physically available to give support through this busy time? Is she absolutely keen on being your MOH, or is she onboard because she is obliged?
Make sure she feels genuinely up for the commitment that this role entails, or lower your expectations a little.
Don’t: feel obliged to ask
Just because you were another friends bridesmaid, doesn’t mean she will automatically be yours. The choice is yours only. Be honest and explain that it was a tough decision but you have considered it carefully. She is still special to you!
Do: take a look at their life situation
If they just got a new job, got pregnant, joined a course or any other time consuming commitment, they might not be able to help you as much as they otherwise would have.
Do: be honest yourself (and them) what you want from them
How involved to you want them to be? Do you want them to help you with everything from choosing the dress, venue, decor, stationary and wedding colors? To be available to “chat wedding” at any hour of the day?
Or is it enough that they plan your bridal shower and stand by your side during the ceremony?
What roles you want them to play will influence who you think is the best suited for the “job”.
Don’t: forget about skills and mindset
Think about peoples skills and personality – do they have the right attributes? Look for qualities such as being systematic, great sense of humor, attentive, work under pressure, multitask, having a good eye for details, good team skills, being a calming influence, pragmatic, and any other the qualities you feel that you want to surround yourself with during this special journey.
Do: consider their weaknesses
It might sound harsh, but it is not a bad idea to take the nature of each candidate into account to assess what her ability to be a positive force is like, because you’d want your team to be able to focus on you and fill you with good vibes only.
If she is known to be a drama-queen who loves being in the center of attention, or who seems to have a new job (or boyfriend) every two months, will possibly not be the most grounded support for you.
You need to be honest here. If she has a tendency to any of the following: complain, be opinionated, pull out of commitments, cancel dates, not answer the phone, make excuses, talk mostly about herself and her problems, then it is probably wise to rule her out.
This could apply even if you always have lots of fun together, shes a long term friend and you totally adore here even though you know her to be a bit destructive.
Do: also consider the future
Is she a contact you can count on to be around or is she a brand new friend? Do you think it is possible for you to be friends for life? This might not matter right now, but prepare yourself by considering the future.
Don’t: think that you need several bridesmaids (or even any)
You don’t have to choose more than 1 bridesmaid, just for the sake of it. Quality support is better than quantity. The more members of your squad, the greater risk for disagreement and confusion.
Don’t: only choose according to the rule book
Your personal feelings about who you want to have around is the biggest priority. Maybe you feel fine to deviate from some the points above, and that is of course up to you – and don’t overthink it either!
Do: accept the outcome
Go with your gut instinct when it comes to your final decision.When you have chosen the women who mean the most to you, that you admire and feel good to be around – be happy with your decision and move forwards into the adventure together. If you have selected thoughtfully there won’t be any regrets.
Time spent with your bridesmaids will be some of the most memorable and joyful times in your engagement!